Balancing Act
by Shadows of the Arcane
Summary: Hide isn't stupid, and Kaneki knows that he can only hide his secret from him for so long.


**WARNING: SPOILERS FOR ANYONE NOT CAUGHT UP WITH THE MANGA. If you've gotten to white-haired Kaneki already then you should be fine. This is a bit of an AU as well, but nothing major.**

**Edit 8/12/14: Just caught a few grammatical issues. **

* * *

Kaneki swirled his coffee absentmindedly, his eyes hidden behind a fringe of dyed black hair.

Touka watched him worriedly as she cleaned a mug, the normally positive boy had vanished during those days when he had been captured by the Aogiri Tree and had been replaced with this dead-eyed man.

The door bell chimed as two customers walked in, taking a seat immediately and looking around in confusion. She released an annoyed snort, "They can't just order at the counter, can they?" She trudged out to the table, putting on a friendly grin as she went.

Kaneki shrugged in response, letting his attention get drawn to the TV in the corner.

"An anonymous CCG informant has told us that ghoul activity has been increasing on Fifth and Sixth streets. The cause of this increase is unknown, but the authorities suggest that no one in the vicinity should leave their homes if possible and to be off the streets starting at dusk. The CCG has not yet-"

The channel suddenly changed to a nature documentary.

Kaneki turned around to see Touka holding the remote with a scowl, she finished that order faster than he expected. "Do we have to hear about the ghoul attacks every minute? Can they not report on anything else?"

Kaneki swirled the coffee, watching the miniature whirlpool that he created. "It's what they think the public wants to hear about, not what is happening regularly."

Touka scoffed, "That's ridiculous though. It's like when one robbery catches the publics' eye and then, before you know it, every single crime in Tokyo is being broadcast and the whole city seems dangerous when, really, there's no more crime than usual!"

"That's how the media works."

The door to the Anteiku swung open again, "Kaneki!"

"Hide!" Kaneki waved slightly, a small grin appearing on his face. "How have you been?"

The blond held up a bag, "Hungry! I've brought you a burger too, if you want it."

The half-ghoul groaned, placing a hand on his stomach. "I just had lunch," he twisted his face into a mask of regret. "I really wish I hadn't though."

"Here!" Hide tossed him a burger, "You can heat it up later."

Kaneki did well at hiding his grimace at the smell of the greasy meat and soggy lettuce. "Thanks, it smells great."

Hide nodded, digging in to his burger with a relish. "You don't need to pretend for me."

"What?" Kaneki choked out.

"If it smells bad because you're full, don't worry about it!" Hide shrugged, "The smell of food always turns my stomach when I'm stuffed."

Kaneki rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous smile, "Sorry, I didn't want to offend you."

Hide grinned, revealing a mouthful of food, "No harm done! Just eat it later."

Kaneki nodded as he tucked the hamburger into his coat pocket for later.

(It really was a waste that he would have to throw it out.)

A sudden wave of guilt hit him; Hide had paid with his own money to buy him that food - the food that he couldn't even eat.

"Here, Hide, I can pay you for that burger." He reached into his pocket, feeling for the stack of cash that he kept on him. "You've only got that one job a few nights a week-"

(The greasy smell of the burger was suffocating as the oils and fats sizzled and popped in the heated meat.)

Hide shook his head violently, "I barely see you eating anything! It's on me."

Kaneki grinned slightly, "You worry about me too much."

Hide didn't even glance up as he finished eating, "You've been acting odd ever since that accident, and I barely get to see you anymore. I'm just worried is all."

Kaneki felt that feeling again: the one that made him want to run from Hide before he connected the dots, the one that wanted him to pause this moment in time - before things got too complicated.

He knew that he couldn't do that though, and he only laughed lightly. "I swear, I'm eating fine." He quickly grabbed one of Hide's French fries and swallowed it, making sure to pretend to chew and hide his disgust.

(The salt was like grains of sand and the fry itself tasted like oiled rubber.)

Hide huffed, "Don't eat all of my fries!"

Kaneki grinned, ignoring the slimy feeling of the fry slipping down his throat and instead focused on Hide's behavior.

(He almost seemed more relaxed since Kaneki ate the food.)

"So," Hide shoveled a handful of fries into his mouth, "Have you seen the news about all the ghoul attacks on Fifth and Sixth?"

Kaneki nodded, "It was just on. Scary, isn't it?"

(Not for him maybe, but that was a normal response, right?)

Hide shrugged, "The CCG probably has it already contained, I'm not too worried about it."

"You think they move that fast?"

Hide glanced down at his phone, sliding his finger along the screen for a second before responding. "Yes, they definitely did."

Kaneki leaned over to view the phone, but Hide tucked it away before he could see anything. "Who were you texting?"

Hide almost dropped his latest handful of fries as his phone vibrated noisily. He pulled it out and checked it, paling slightly at the contents.

"What is it?"

"Just my mom!" Hide responded quickly, "She's worried about me! You know, ghoul attacks and all..." Hide was already standing, leaving his food at the table as he backed away. "She wants me home now, so I'll see you later!"

Kaneki blinked in confusion, "Bye?"

Hide was already gone though.

The half-ghoul sighed, wondering what was wrong with his friend as he gathered up Hide's trash and tossed it out.

(What was Hide hiding?)

* * *

"It's a mobile RC scanner."

The blond looked at the small gun in his hand, "This is a scanner?"

Amon pointed to the barrel. "It's loaded with one sensing dart. You just shoot the target and it'll tell you if they're a ghoul or not."

Hide flipped the gun over to view the stock. "Is it reloaded like a regular gun?"

Amon handed him a small case, "There's three more darts in here, but you won't have time to reload if you're being attacked."

Hide held the gun up in a firing stance, "How do I know if the person hit is a ghoul?"

"The gun will emit a shrieking noise, and so will the ghoul for that matter."

"Why will the ghoul be shrieking?"

"A normal dart can't pierce their bodies, but a quinque dart can. It's going to hurt quite a bit for them."

Hide frowned, "Wouldn't a human have the same reaction though?"

"The ghoul's reaction will be worse because the dart releases a toxin that we've developed after studying the effects of human food on a ghoul." Amon replied coolly, "A ghoul will collapse in a matter of seconds while a human will be unaffected by the toxin."

"Which will give me time to either escape or help you guys capture it." Hide concluded.

"Precisely, this is one of the tools for fixing this world."

* * *

Kaneki adjusted the mask on his face; he hated keeping the front zipped, he felt vulnerable without one of his baseline defenses.

Touka slapped his hand, "You have to get used to it or it'll be distracting you the whole time."

"Says the girl in the rabbit mask." Kaneki retorted, he wasn't sure why the manager had insisted that he accompany Touka – he didn't even work at the Anteiku anymore.

Touka punched him, "I didn't choose it!"

The argumentative pair was currently walking down Fifth Street in a search for the ghouls who were terrorizing the area.

"Do you think we'll run into any investigators?" Kaneki asked as he glanced around, not looking particularly worried by the thought.

Touka shrugged, "Probably, I wouldn't worry that much though. We can just run."

"But what if they think we're the ghouls that are terrorizing the area?"

"They're going to think that one way or another."

"They won't be able to catch the actual culprit though!"

Touka grabbed Kaneki, "Hush, did you hear that?"

A small pop echoed from an alley to their right.

"Hear wha-" Kaneki screamed, grabbing at his shoulder, "What the- That hurts!" He howled, "How did this happen?"

Touka growled, "Doves, I'll lead them away. You get on your feet."

"I'm trying," Kaneki grit out, his one visible eye scrunched shut in pain.

Touka nodded slightly, "Be careful."

"Heh, I think that I'm dying..." Kaneki moaned, "I feel like I ate too much food - human food."

Touka shoved him to the ground, "Just play dead and try not to attract too much attention to yourself."

He could hear her footsteps retreating from his position. There were a few yells from a nearby alley and more footsteps as the doves rushed past him.

"Hey! You stay and keep an eye on this one, shoot him with another dart if he tries to get up."

Kaneki cursed as he heard someone approach him.

"Dang... That looks painful."

(He recognized that voice, but it couldn't be.)

A hand on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts. "I wonder why the RC scan didn't work on you... The toxin did." The hand deftly plucked out the dart.

Kaneki couldn't breathe; his whole body was starting to tremble on its own accord.

Tears were pooling in his mask, making the leather covering even more unbearable.

"Are you paralyzed? Either that or you're scared. There's really only two things that make a person shake like that - ghoul or otherwise."

Kaneki scrunched his eyes shut as his body was rolled over.

"How about I remove that mask so you can breathe?"

The second he felt a hand fumbling with the zipper on his mask, he snarled and shoved the hand away.

(He won't open his eyes, he can't accept this.)

"One way or another, you're going to lose the mask. At least let me see who the famous eye-patch ghoul is." The hand returned to the zipper on his mask, pulling up slowly.

Kaneki tried fighting back, but another dart in the shoulder ensured that he couldn't.

"I heard from one of my superiors that you spared his life. He still doesn't know why. A ghoul sparing a CCG agent. Do you fancy yourself some sort of hero? A dark knight for humanity?"

Kaneki opened his eyes right as the mask was completely removed.

(He knew his Kakugan was still visible. He truly was a monster, a one-eyed beast.)

Hide - his childhood friend, his only friend - stood over him with a stricken expression.

The mask slowly clattered out of the blond's hand as he took a few steps back.

Kaneki could only release a few tears, "You weren't- You weren't-" He couldn't speak, only cry and shake his head.

Hide wiped his eyes, "Sometimes I hate it when I'm right."

A few shouts and gunshots sounded from nearby.

(Why weren't they fighting with the quinque?)

Hide grabbed the mask off of the ground and placed it over Kaneki's face again. He zipped it back with shaky hands and helped him to a sitting position.

Kaneki couldn't hide his surprise, "Why?"

Hide shook his head and grinned ruefully, "You need to shove me to the ground and run."

"What?"

Hide could see the approaching shapes in the darkness, "Now!"

Kaneki lunged up, grabbing onto of Hide's shoulders.

(Hide couldn't help but feel terrified as he stared into Kaneki's red eye.)

"Thank you," the ghoul whispered, shoving Hide to the ground and running away at a speed unmatched by any human.

Amon ran up and helped Hide to his feet, "What happened?"

"The toxin didn't work! He was only playing dead." Hide answered quickly.

(It wasn't hard for him to fake nervousness - who had ever said that emotions had to be false when you act?)

Amon growled, "But it worked fine on the other ghouls we tested on!"

"Maybe it didn't work for the same reason the RC scanner didn't work?" Hide suggested, checking his shirt for tears.

"The important thing is that he didn't kill you," Amon replied. "The paperwork for that would've been awful."

Hide couldn't help but wonder, "I don't think he would have."

Amon narrowed his eyes, "It was a ghoul, they don't think twice about the value of a life."

"That was the same ghoul who let you go."

The investigator's eyes widened, "It was the eye-patch?"

Hide nodded, "What do you know about him?"

Amon scratched his chin, "He's powerful, but inexperienced. And he seems to have an aversion to taking lives."

"That's odd for a ghoul." Hide mused.

Amon couldn't help but nod in agreement.

* * *

Kaneki wasted no time running away, ripping the mask off of his face once he was sure that he was clear of the danger and waking casually back to his house.

He looked at the clock; the digital numbers shone red in the darkness.

(Three minutes until midnight.)

He walked into the kitchen, grabbing a can of black coffee from the fridge as he went. He always tried to keep some ready for times like this. He pulled out a chair and sank down into it with a sigh. He never expected this to happen. He wanted to tell Hide on his own terms or, at least, that's what he told himself.

(He could never muster up to courage to do it.)

He grabbed the book sitting on the table, flipping it open and starting to read.

(The words were blurring together, he couldn't focus.)

It wasn't until he saw the drops hitting the page that he realized that he was crying again.

He shoved the book away gently - he just couldn't bring himself to damage a book.

(As damaged as he was, some things could never completely change.)

He instead clutched the coffee can tightly, feeling the metal bending slightly under his fingers.

A feeling of dread began to settle in his stomach as he checked the time.

(Fifteen minutes had passed.)

A quick message to Touka allowed for a temporary distraction, instead allowing him to focus on whether or not the ghoul had escaped.

It didn't take her long to respond, asking if he was okay in the process.

(He replied yes, but he was anything but okay.)

His phone was a different story from the book as he flung it across the room, festering in his rage at the injustice of it all.

(It just wasn't fair! Why him? Why did Hide have to be there? Why did it have to be his best friend? Why did all of this shit have to happen to him? Of all the people in Tokyo, why was he chosen to live this life of hell?)

A knock on the door sent his heart into his stomach and he slowly stood.

(He knew it was Hide - he could smell him.)

Kaneki opened the door slowly, giving Hide a rather sad look. "I didn't want you to find out that way."

His blond friend only stood there looking brave, but his fidgeting gave away his nerves. Kaneki couldn't hold him at fault for that though.

(Any sane human would be scared to enter the home of a ghoul.)

Kaneki stepped out of the doorway, "Come in, do you want anything to drink?" At Hide's confused glance, he elaborated. "It's only black coffee and water."

Hide finally broke his silence, "Is that all ghouls can drink?"

The half-ghoul nodded slowly, reaching up to fidget with his eye-patch only to realize that he had never put it back on.

"You look different without the eye-patch," his friend commented airily. "Why do you wear it if your eye isn't damaged?"

"I can't control it."

Hide cocked his head, "Your eye?"

"It - the Kakugan - it changes on its own when I'm nervous... Or hungry..." The final bit was only mumbled, but Hide still heard.

The blond ran a hand through his hair and released a puff of air, "Well, this is unfortunate." He sat down with a sigh. "A ghoul and an investigator being best friends? Sounds like the plot to some cheesy story."

Kaneki's head shot up, "What? We can't-"

Hide clamped a hand over Kaneki's mouth with only a slight bit of hesitation.

(A human covering a ghoul's mouth, it just seemed to be a recipe for disaster.)

Kaneki's eye flared to black in an instant and he yelled, shoving Hide away. "Are you crazy? Why did you do that?"

Hide checked his hand and nodded, "You didn't bite me."

"Of course I didn't! Why would I ever do that?" Kaneki looked offended, "We can't be friends anymore, but-"

"Would you please stop saying that?" Hide groaned, "I don't want to hear it."

"But-"

"No!"

"Hide-"

"Don't even think about it!"

"I might-"

"How about we have a movie night?" Hide interjected, "We can watch bad horror movies, and you can tell me everything."

Kaneki gulped, "Everything?"

Hide shook his head gently, "Only if you want to tell me."

The half-ghoul stared at his hands; his black fingernails were just another testament to how different things were now. "Thank you, Hide."

(It was clear that he meant the gratitude for more.)

(Thank you for still being my friend.)

(Thank you for helping me.)

(Thank you for being there for me, despite the differences.)

The blond grinned widely, "That's what friends are for."

* * *

"The ghoul is located two floors up - the third door on the right."

The soft cascade of multiple footsteps echoed up the stairs, "Preparing to engage."

* * *

**Author's Note: I know, bad title and summary, but I don't do titles, or summaries. I just can't... This turned out fluffier than I expected, it was getting to the angst and then fluff... I don't like how I ended it either, but I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. A little insane creativity on my part for the darts, and I'm no doctor, so if there's something super wrong with the idea then I apologize. I'm thinking of it like a tranquilizer dart because ghouls have almost no weakness - none! I've looked, they're like humanoid tanks.**

** I sort of want to write a second chapter to this... Maybe I will.**

**Edit 8/12/14 Okay, this is growing on me a lot. I'm planning to write the second part soon.**


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